Ebonics 101 - Welcome to EBONICS 101 Herein follow a few terms to help you get started on your merry way towards the ve-nak-u-lar... "Damn- that shit is DOPE!" That is a wonderful concept/object/action. "Can't FADE that." I am unable to comprehend or assimilate that concept at this time. "Shante ain't havin' it." This is not something that Shante will allow to occur. "Homey- Boo was dropping PHAT beats." Our friend Boo was playing some wonderful music. "YO!- Let me GAFFLE that BLUNT!" Might I be able to indulge in your marijuana cigarette? "JIMMY was on and I was HITTIN' it!" I had in my possession a condom, which was used in my engagement of sexual activity. "What's up? Why you ALL UP in my shit!?!" Please sir/madam- stay out of my affairs. "She is HELLA' CLOWIN' you HOMEY!" The woman is creatively informing you that her interest in dating you is non-existent at this time. "Woooooo- Renaldo was PITCHIN' STRAIGHT GAME to baby-doll, and it was SMOOOOVE!" Renaldo was creatively inquiring as to the marital status of the female, with the intention of asking her on a date. "STEP OFF Cool- before I bust PHAT CAPS in your A** with my NEINER..." It would be beneficial to your physical state to leave this area, as I will soon be encouraged by your disrespect towards me to shoot bullets into your buttocks with my 9mm pistol. "Why is 5-OH always BUGGIN'!?!"~~~~ Why are the police officers always worried? "Friday night- COLD CHILLIN' with a 40 and a BLUNT."~~~~ It is Friday eve, and I am leisurely enjoying a forty ounce bottle of malt liquor and a marijuana cigarette.
Ebonics As a Second Language - A FRIEND OF MINE HAS AN 18 YEAR OLD SON NAMED LEROY. HE ATTENDS OAKLAND HIGH SCHOOL WHERE THEY TEACH EBONICS AS A SECOND LANGUAGE. LAST WEEK HE WAS GIVEN AN EASY HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS PUT EACH OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS IN A SENTENCE. THIS IS WHAT LEROY DID. 1. RECTUM: I HAD TWO CADILLACS, BUT MY OL'LADY RECTUM BOTH. 2. HOTEL: I GAVE MY GIRLFRIEND DA CRABS AND THE HOTEL EVERYBODY. 3. ODYSSEY: I TOLD MY BRO, YOU ODYSSEY THE JUGS ON THIS HOE. 4. STAIN: MY MOTHER-IN-LAW AXED IF I WAS STAIN FOR DINNER AGAIN. 5. SELDOM: MY COUSIN GAVE ME TWO TICKETS TO THE KNICKS GAME, SO I SELDOM. 6. PENIS: I WENT TO DA DOCTOR AND HE HANDED ME A CUP AND SAID PENIS. 7. CATACOMB: DON KING WAS AT THE FIGHT THE OTHER NIGHT, MAN, SOMEBODY GIVE THAT CATACOMB. 8. FORCLOSE: IF I PAY ALIMONY THIS MONTH, I'LL HAVE NO MONEY FORCLOSE. 9. UNDERMINE: THERE IS A FINE LOOKIN' HOE LIVIN' IN THE APARTMENT UNDERMINE. 10. TRIPOLI: I WAS GONNA BUY MY OLD LADY A BRA BUT I COULDN'T FINE NO TRIPOLI. 12. DISAPPOINTMENT: MY PAROLE OFFICER TOL ME IF I MISS DISAPPOINTMENT THEY GONNA SEND ME BACK TO THE BIG HOUSE. 13. INCOME: I JUST GOT IN BED WIT DEE HOE AND INCOME MY WIFE. 14. HONOR: AT THE RAPE TRIAL, THE JUDGE AXED MY BUDDY, WHO B HONOR FIRST? 15. FORTIFY: I AXED DA HOE HOW MUCH? AND SHE SAY FORTIFY. 16. ISRAEL: ALONSO TRIED TO SELL ME A ROLEX, I SAID MAN, THAT LOOKS FAKE. HE SAID, NO ISRAEL. NEEDLESS TO SAY, LEROY GOT AN A.
Light Bulb Jokes Galore! - Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None 'o yo' freakin' bitness! Q: How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis. Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb? A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs. Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Both of them. Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare. Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to screw it in and the other to say ``Fabulous.' Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: How many can you afford? Q: How many Lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man. Q: How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb? A: ``Twelve. Ya got a problem with dat?''
Simple Chinese - Dung On MAI Shu------------I stepped in excrement Ai Wan Tu Bang Yu---------Let's sleep together Ai Bang Mai Ne--------------I bumped into the coffee table Fat Ho---------------------An unattractive woman Ar U Wun Tu-----------------A gay liberation greeting Chin Tu Fat----------------You need a face lift Chow Mai Dong-------------Romantic proposition Dum Gai---------------------A stupid person Wel Hung Gai----------------Is that a banana in your pocket? Won Hung Low-------------Southern Chinese dialect for Wel Hung Gai Gun Pao Der-----------------An ancient Chinese invention Hu Flung Dung---------------Which one of you fertilized the field? Hu Yu Hai Ding--------------We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugutive Jan Ne Ka Sun---------------A former late night talk show host Kum Hia---------------------Approach me Lao Ze Sho------------------Gilligan's Island Lao Zi----------------------Not very good Lin Ching-------------------An illegal execution Moon Lan Ding-------------A great achievement of the American space program Ne Ahn----------------------A lighting fixture used in advertising signs Shai Gai--------------------A bashful person Tai Ne Bae Be------------A premature infant Tai Ne Po Ne--------------A small horse Ten Ding Ba----------------Serving drinks to people Wan Bum Lung-------------A person with T.B. Yu Mai Te Tan--------------Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you Wa Shing Kah---------------Cleaning an automobile Wai So Dim------------------Are you trying to save electricity? Wai U Shao Ting----------There is no reason to raise your voice
The Scottsman! - What is the difference between a Scottish man and a member of the Rolling Stones? A member of the Rolling Stones says, "Hey you! Get off my cloud!" The Scot says, "Hey McCloud, get off my ewe!"
Sprinklers - Did you know that the inventor of sprinklers was racist? Yeah, listen to one next time you get a chance, It goes - spic....spic....spic....nigga...nigga...nigga...nigga.........chink!
Redneck - How do you circumsize a redneck? You kick his sister in the chin!
Polish Women and Vibrators - Q. Why don't polish women use vibrators? A. It chips their teeth.