Blonde Joke - Q: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme
Guess the instructions - Read the 10 to-do instructions and then scroll for the answer - NO CHEATING! 1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart. 2. Form a loose grip. 3. Keep your head down. 4. Avoid a quick back swing. 5. Stay out of the water. 6. Try not to hit anyone. 7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you. 8. Don't stand directly in front of others. 9. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go. 10. Don't take extra strokes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off! (From a sign posted at a local golf course restroom :)
Wedding Questions and Answers - Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding? Not if you are the groom. How many showers is the bride supposed to have? At least one within a week of the wedding. What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony? Anything except "Tied to the Whipping Post".
Charlie Brown in the 90's - Do you remember the Charlie Brown specials that taught valuable life lessons to a generation of kids? Well here are some new episodes: Peanuts specials for kids of the 90's: We learn about VD in: "IT BURNS WHEN I PEE, CHARLIE BROWN" Charlie and the little redheaded girl learn about unwanted pregnancy in: "I'M STARTING TO SHOW, CHARLIE BROWN!" Is Linus gay? "ITS A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE, CHARLIE BROWN" Charlie moves back to his house in East L.A in: "OYE! VATO! QUE PASA, CARLITO MORENO?" See how the Peanuts Gang deals with date rape in: "NO MEANS NO, CHARLIE BROWN!" Franklin speaks! The Peanuts gang gets a lesson in Ebonics in: "IMO BUSTA CAP INYO ASS, CHARLIE BROWN" What goes on the mind of a serial killer? Discover the inner workings of Pig Pen's twisted psyche and meet his murderous alter ego "Mr. Clean" in: "GOD TOLD ME TO DO IT, CHARLIE BROWN" Schroder teaches the Peanuts gang about getting high in: "ROLL US A FAT ONE, CHARLIE BROWN!" Charlie Brown gets his first job in: "WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT, CHARLIE BROWN?" Charlie Brown peddles his body for crack money while stealing social security checks and stripping cars in: "GO BLAME SOCIETY, CHARLIE BROWN" Peppermint Patty 'goes to town' on Marcie in: "WHO NEEDS MEN, CHARLIE BROWN?"
Black Jokes... - How do you stop a 3 black men from raping a white woman? Throw them a basketball! What do you call a black priest? Holy Shit! What do you call a black woman taking birth control pills? A Humanitarian.
Prostitute and Nymph - Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says, "Are you done already?" The blonde says, "Beige. . . I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
21 - On the Menu today! A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: --------------------------------- Cheese Sandwich $ 1.50 Chicken Sandwich $ 2.50 Hand Job $10.00 --------------------------------- Checking his wallet he finds one single ten dollar bill. He walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?" "I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" "Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am!" The man replies "Well go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
The Forrest Gump Connection! - Forrest Gump - Life is like a Box of chocolates... Forrest Dahmer - People are like a box of chocolate, YUM! Forrest (Homer)Simpson - Mmmmm, chocolate Forrest the Hun - Chocolate all mine! Forrest Simmons - Chocolate is bad!, EXERCISE EXERCISE! Forrest Rivera - People who like Chocolate..Next on 'Forrest' Forrest Shakespeare - Chocolate, or no chocolate that's the question Forrest Of Borg - All chocolates must be assimilated Forrest Presley - Hunk a hunk of milk chocolate Forrest Zen - I am one with the chocolate Forrest McClaine - I used to be a box of Chocolates Forrest Ventura - Chocolates..Alll-Riighty then... Forrest Lauper - People just wanna have chocolate Forrest Turner - What's chocolate gotta do, gotta do with it? Forrest Bones - D*@!* Jim, I'm a Dr., not a box of chocolate Forrest Spock - Logically speaking, we are all chocolate Forrest Scotty - The box, she's breaking apart Capt'n Forrest Butler - Frankly Scarlett, I don't like chocolate Forrest O'Hara - Tomorrow, is another box of chocolates. Forrest Lee - Fight with your inner chocolate Forrest Clinton - I didn't inhale the cream centers Forrest Davidson - I will inhale the cream filled centers Forrest Doo - Roinks Raggy, Rocolates! Forrest Marx - That's the weirdest box of chocolates I've ever seen. Forrest Nicholson - You want chocolate, you can't handle chocolate Forrest Copperfield - Poof, the chocolates are gone! Forrest Noah - 2 creams, 2 nuts, 2 coconuts, 2 peanut butter Forrest on phonics - Lief es lyk a boks uv chakolets Forrest PsychicLine - Yes, I knew you were a chocolate Forrest Alimony - The Box is mine! Forrest Andrews - The Hills are alive..like a box of chocolates Forrest Costello - Who's eating chocolate? Forrest Abbott - No, who is not eating chocolate Forrest Vader - Luke, I am your chocolate Forrest Yoda - There is a dark chocolate, and a light chocolate.
Tea Time - Something to ponder... Do the workers at the Lipton factory get a coffee break?